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I am unibrow. Hear me roar!

I am Unibrow. Hear me roar!

According to Wikipedia, the most trusted source for any information anywhere:

“A unibrow (or monobrow) is a “confluence of eyebrows”; i.e., the presence of abundant hair between the eyebrows, so that they seem to converge to form one long eyebrow.”

The article continues…

“In Western perception, the unibrow may make a person seem ugly, fierce, grumpy, or overly serious, so much so that the unibrow has become something of a cliché in fiction, especially with cartoon characters.”

Full disclosure:  I have a unibrow.

Here’s how I see it.  The unibrow, while frowned upon (ahem), provides several key evolutionary advantages.

  1. You folks with two eyebrows have to worry about sweat running down the bridge of your nose. Not us – we’ve got a handy patch of fur to catch those beads of sweat before they obscure our vision.
  2. Unibrows provide additional shade on a sunny day. Wish you had a hat?  I don’t need one:  I’ve got my unibrow.

If we’re keeping track, that’s 2-0 for Team Unibrow.

In Grade 10, my friends ridiculed my single brow. Giving in to the peer pressure, I plucked it, ever so gently, till that brow was eventually broken in two. When I returned to school the next day, I got teased more for actually plucking my eyebrow as a 16 year old male.  Apparently, “it was gay“.

Faced with a tough decision, I kept the dual brow because the thought of it gradually growing back while still in high school was simply unacceptable.

Eventually, I got married and became a dad and it didn’t matter anymore, so I let it grow out.  Years of pluckage had thinned the growth of the unibrow to a mere shadow of its former self.

I realize now that I will never have a unibrow as glorious as, say, Tom Selleck’s mustache.  I will never get to see my unibrow’s full potential.  This makes me sad.  But, I suppose this is the price we pay as Unibrows.

Kids, be proud of your brow.  Don’t make the same mistakes I made.  It will only lead to heartache.